Photos of Home Pt. V: Transparency

In the past week or so, I've seen two photographers I follow (Halie from @lovestoriesbyhalieandalec and @mercedesblethphoto) post images with transparent captions. They highlighted the good and the bad, the peace and the struggle. It's a more complete story. I respect this so much, and it's truly inspiring to me.

I think we're at a very interesting stage with social media. It's still pretty new, relatively speaking, and we're trying to figure out how to use it.

I think it's very natural for people to be selective about what they share online, just like people are selective about what they tell or show the people around them.

What I'm trying to say is, I believe sharing the whole story is a good thing, but it's not right for everyone. Some people only feel comfortable sharing the pretty, just like in their everyday lives. Honestly, I usually have a difficult time sharing how I feel with others and even with myself. But lately, social media has been an outlet (hopefully a positive one) for me. I hope it might help me be more transparent with the people in my life.

There are people who only share pictures of their vacations, their beautifully decorated homes, their perfectly prepared meals -- and that's okay. (I mean, there aren't a lot of people whose first reaction is to post a picture when something not-so-favorable happens. Not everyone is trying to tell a story with social media, I get it.)

But the truth is, that can create pressure.

Ultimately, what's important to me is that this is something people are thinking about, talking about and posting about.

And I'm glad that there are people out there -- some I know and some I just follow from a distance -- who are telling their whole stories.

I love storytelling. It's challenging. And if I learned anything from my studies of journalism it's that if you're going to tell a story, you have to gather -- and tell -- as much as you can about the topic. Even if what you find doesn't fit or if it disproves your original story idea.

So for this post, I'm sharing photos of my house in a messy state this past Saturday morning (actually, afternoon - Dad and I slept until after 12pm). 

You're probably thinking, "So what, a messy house? Everyone's house gets messy." That's true. So I hope you can relate to these photos in some way.

I want to use this project is to share the whole story of what my home is truly like -- what home is truly like to me.

I'm still learning what it is.

Last week it was a messy house because I was lazy. I watched more TV than I would have liked to, and I stayed up too late. I ate crappy food and I didn't meditate hardly at all. I was upset with friends and friends were (and are) upset with me.

But here I am. Always learning and always changing, I hope.

Here's to finding out what Home will be like this week.

Also, I will say that there are still things I haven't and won't share online -- things that make me uncomfortable or sad. Some things are meant to be private, right? What do you think? Comment below if you'd like to add to these ideas about sharing or not sharing :)

Photos of Home Pt. IV: Some Photos of Home

Here's my dad, my pup, my home, my neighborhood... shot mainly with my dad's lil point and shoot.

Photos of Home Pt. III: Japanese Magnolias

There are Japanese Magnolias in the parking lot of my work. I noticed them last week. They might have just bloomed, but I also just started mindfully opening my eyes to the beauty around me. I took an afternoon walk to get some fresh air, reciting with my breath, "Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out," as I put one foot in front of the other. I felt the sun and the faint breeze on my skin. I heard the wind blowing through the small pink petals before I saw them. Then I stopped and stared. The contrast of the branches on the blue sky was astonishing, really. (I've always had an obsession with contrast.)

Then I noticed them at my house, too. There are at least three on my block. One is right outside my house. I can see it through my window. In the morning, the sun rises on the other side of that tree. It shines right through the tree into my room. It's as if the petals are glowing. That is home. That moment -- when I look through my blinds as I'm waking up and I see the wonder and simplicity of that tree -- I feel at home.

I'm thankful for beauty and simplicity, that's home. 

I read a poem by Jessica Semaan that puts the idea of home (and my recent experience with it) into words quite nicely. I found it last night, and I was taken aback by how serendipitous the timing was -- a time when I've just really begun exploring Home.

When you don’t know where home is

By: Jessica Semaan

Wherever you go is a foreign land

Where you live is a city of roaming strangers

Where you came from is painful and deceiving

Where you are heading to is nowhere to be found

You are too old, too jaded, or too broke to go anywhere new

So you feel stuck, stuck in the walls of your own handmade jail

You are a refugee of a home that does not exist

Then you think, in your desperation, what if home is someone

The lover you have not met, the partner you already live with, your friend from childhood

Then you cling to that someone, you surrender to their love and approval

But the moment comes where you realize they are not home

They are them and you are you

There are no home you can own

And the truth hits hard: no one is home and no where is home

You envy even more those who have it, those who found it, those who brag about it

And in your misery, you stop looking for a home

It is neither north, nor south

It is neither east, nor west

Home is no place, no people

Home is moments

Moments when you feel safe and loved

Home is a stranger you meet on a plane who pours their hearts to you

Home is the scent of your favorite dish as you were growing up

Home is drinking with your best friend, laughing and crying at your bad decisions

Home is the laugh of your new born child

Home is not a place, not a person. Home is moments. And they are at your fingertips.

Read more of her lovely work here.

Photos of Home Pt. II: Breakfast with Dad and June

The past two weeks have been exceptionally sunny and warm, and I've been in better spirits as a result. I'm sitting in my front yard as I write this. It's nearly 80 degrees, and the sun is shining. June is enjoying it by my side.

I forget how important it is to be outside. It's very helpful for mindfulness, a topic I've spent this long weekend reading about. I was first introduced to the concept about a year ago, maybe, when I was struggling with anxiety. Mindfulness is known to help reduce anxious feelings. I tried practicing mindfulness while in the shower or walking to class, but it didn't stick. I didn't think I was doing it right.

So last week I decided to give it another shot- to pick up a book about it that I saw on Instagram. I got You are Here -- Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment by Thich Nhat Hanh. 

Life after college has been pretty routine for me, especially since I started working a 9-5 job at a corporate software company. The days, weeks, months fly by. Everything runs together into a big blur. It's terrifying. I feel numb most days-- like a zombie (a term this book uses to describe people who live in the past or the future, people who don't realize that life can only be lived in the here and now).

The trick to living in the present (opposite a zombie) is to practice mindfulness. And it turns out, there's no right or wrong way to be mindful. It's enough just to bring attention to your breath.

Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know that I am breathing out.

Another key element of mindfulness and presence is non-judgement. I tend to judge my feelings of irritation or anger, which I experience quite often. But these are parts of me. To practice mindfulness, one shouldn't be violent towards any emotions. One should hold on to his or her anger and show it love, according to Thich Nhat Hanh.

To love something is to understand it, to show it compassion, to be here for it. Thich Nhat Hanh suggests practicing this with everything around you, to be here -- to be present -- for the birds' songs, the sunset, your heart, your body.

If you are truly here and present, then and only then, can you recognize and be here for The Others -- the ones you care about. 

The book (so far) never uses the word grateful and never says you should be thankful for the positive elements in your life. But that's how I've understood it. It has said to me, "to be mindful, one must take note of the things around him or her," and for me that's giving thanks. And that's what I'm hoping to do with Photos of Home.

Breathing in, I am mindful that I have eyes that are still in good condition. Breathing out, I smile to my eyes that are still in good condition... Some people wait until they have lost their sight to appreciate their eyes.

I am mindful of the sun... the trees... the wind... the sunset... my dad... June... Home... beauty... family... love.

Photos of Home

Flashback to almost 4 months ago, on a lazy Saturday just like this one. I was lying in bed for hours and an idea hit me. It was just a glimpse of the full project. I'd been reading about how important it is to take time to write about what makes you grateful. Research says that if you take just a few minutes every day to write what you're thankful for, you'll report being happier. I've done this off and on for the past year or so, and it's worked for me. So I wanted to start doing it with pictures. And I wanted so share those pictures with others, to inspire others to focus on what they're thankful for and to try to make a community out of it. Because that's what social media was made for, right? (And because I miss #my_athens.)

This led me to come up with a hashtag. I decided on #photosofhome. The things I'm most grateful for usually make me feel at home. Emphasis on the word "feel" because home here isn't restricted to a physical house. I move around a lot-- most recently to Livermore, California about 3 weeks ago-- so home for me is not often tied to a physical place. And it seems to me that many other people's feelings of home or comfort aren't about their houses, either. They're about people, a pet, a song, food... People may not feel comfortable at their physical house at all. Home can mean so much more, and I want this hashtag to apply to a lot of people. I want it to be something others can use when they share photos or words on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.

That was the basic idea. And to hold myself accountable, even just a little, I posted the idea to Instagram a couple days later. The idea has been bouncing around in my head ever since, morphing and evolving, but I have yet to put anything out into the world about it since then (other than using the hashtag on photos on my Instagram). I haven't mustered up the courage or effort to do it, until now. I know this isn't anywhere near what the project will become, but I have to start somewhere. I just have to start.

And the way I'm doing that is by copying an entry from my journal that I wrote a couple weeks ago when I was feeling most inspired:

As I try to write this, June (my dog) is lying on my arm, sniffing my pen. She reminds my that there is so much to love and be thankful for. (A little dramatic, I know, but I really love my dog.) Anyway, I have some ideas to jot down. I get so excited about my ideas sometimes- I wish that didn't go away. I keep coming back to this "Photos of Home" idea. The idea has morphed. I now want to document the next 1.5 years in my new house in Livermore with my dad and June. And there are so many reasons why. The original idea came from the need to focus on what I'm grateful for, what makes me feel that comfortable feeling of home. I think there is value in sharing what you're grateful for and seeing the variety in what makes other people grateful.

This idea expanded tonight when I read an article on the Red & Black's website about social media threatening our mental health. It's not a new idea, but it speaks to me now more than ever. Social media is threatening our abilities to connect in person. I'm more (physically) alone in my life now than I've ever been before. I live in a new state, just switched jobs, and now I'm moving to a new city. It's really hard to make friends when you don't have school or a club forcing you to do so. Social media is an amazing tool for connecting with people in some aspects (sharing things like photo projects and this post or finding events to go to) but it can also really hurt. It fosters comparison. Seeing what everyone else's lives are like can put pressure on your own. I see other people who have recently moved states and already have tons of friends (or that's what they make it look like), and I wonder why I don't yet. And I know the answers: I pick the comfort of scrolling through my Instagram and Facebook feeds while watching Netflix in bed instead of going out and making myself uncomfortable. 

I want to do this Photos of Home project to use social media for its strengths. To say (while it's cliché) that it's okay to struggle. Whatever that may mean to you. And that you may have a chance at being happier if you give thanks for the small things-- like finding a sense of home while petting your dog and drinking tea or whatever it may be for you. 

This project also just got a lot more personal for me due to my recent plans to move again. I realized I've moved an incredible amount of times in my life. Luckily, most of them didn't include changing schools and friends, but they did create some lapses is memory. I lived in a house for only a month once. I remember the vague layout of the room but not the details. I want to document this new house, what it looks like and the moments that happen inside. I also will be living with my dad, probably for the last time in my life. These are moments I really want to record, to be present in. 

So here marks the beginning of Photos of Home. I'd love it if anyone out there joins me along the way by following my posts or making posts of their own featuring things they're grateful for-- big or small-- using the hashtag #photosofhome. I think it's interesting to see what others cherish.

Enjoy some of the first photos I've taken of my dad (and June) to start off this project. And see more on Instagram by clicking here or searching #photosofhome.